Author and Ghostwriter
Hello readers and welcome to me being driven slowly crazy by well-meaning people who can’t really be criticized for saying what they believe to be a compliment. Clearly this isn’t obvious, so I’m here to tell you: calling someone a “strong woman” is exactly the same as calling someone a “clean African American.” Or a … Read more “Strong women” wanted. Whatever those are.
Once upon a time, a client urged me to write her memoir so as to give this impression: “I’m like that honey badger!” When I asked what in the world that meant, she replied, “I’m a badass and I really don’t give a shit!” I had no idea what she was talking about, so she … Read more Everyone Wants a Piece of the Best-Selling Honey Badger
When you think someone’s not speaking to you, but then you realize he was “speaking to you” but he wasn’t actually speaking to you for a lack of things to say, then you wonder about all the things we do to ourselves inside our heads. You thought him not speaking to you was a significant … Read more Speaking of Not Speaking
The fact that nobody else in Maine has a chamomile lawn ought probably to be a deterrent from me attempting this landscaping idea, but when has such logic ever stopped me before? Mainers aren’t known for being innovative thinkers. Let’s be honest. They’re known for being folksy, which isn’t the same thing. I may end … Read more Chamomile Lawn
I eat my breakfast at the Circle K. It’s a two-block walk at 6:30 am, when I tend to want coffee. The gourmet pastry shop across the street closed down months ago. The sandwich shop by the U-haul dealership is shuttered and up for rent. Walgreens is there. I could buy a bag of coffee … Read more At The Circle K
For writers and readers who have peeked at my memoir ghostwriting page, you know that I make the bold claim that I can write “funny.” So, I guess it’s time I talk about how humor works in writing, specifically dry humor. Humor is, of course, different in the minds of different people. Some folks love … Read more How to Write Dry Humor from the Heart
Buy now: Amazon Buy now: Indiebound In Bits of String too Small to Save, intelligence battles intuition, animals ponder the troubles of humanity, and you, dear reader, must ask yourself, will magic avenge our heroine? Will technology save her? Or has ElizabethAnn simply arrived too late to save beautiful, mysterious Bumblegreen? Prim, persnickety ElizabethAnn, her … Read more Bits of String too Small to Save
“Someone touched my toe.” I said it out loud, in the middle of the night, alone. I had just been awakened, and I could still feel the tingling of tiny claws making impact with my left big toe. Then, the creature jumped up on the windowsill, and I saw it silhouetted, splayed out, trying to … Read more Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
“If you’re a doe-eyed, raven-haired beauty with ninja skills, who speaks five languages and saves the world in her spare time, you should probably move on, but if you’re an accountant who wouldn’t mind taking care of a couple bookkeeping issues when I fall behind, I’d cherish you like a queen.” So begins the online … Read more Funny Flash Memoir is Found in the Best Dating Profiles
If you have ever listened to the Welcome to Night Vale podcast, you are my people. The incredible imagination in evidence here really takes me away. I’ve heard this series of stories described as “Lake Wobegon as seen through the eyes of Stephen King.” It’s also a little Twin Peaks-ish, if I may date myself. … Read more Welcome to Night Vale